remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
