When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
