remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
