I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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