she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
