Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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