The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
