I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
