wanna go halves on a baby?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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