If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
