Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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