So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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