apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
