apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
