Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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