I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
