Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?