I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.