actually, I'm a sock model
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner