Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
