i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
