Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
