All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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