True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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