id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
