my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
