I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
