Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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