Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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