You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
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i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
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I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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