he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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