it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
