how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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