I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
