Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
