dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
