I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
