When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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