I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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