so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
