i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
