I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
