My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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