i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
