The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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