I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
this boner is exhausting
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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