I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
