So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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