Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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