Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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