I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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