he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
