his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
