Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
