i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
