Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
