PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
