State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
