My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?