This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.