mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
