All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
