I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
