I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
