I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you never un-have a 4some
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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