I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
