While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
